Feb 6, 2011

What's wrong with me ?!

I know I haven’t written here in ages (I should rename this blog to “CristinaRadCantWriteForShit”) and you are probably expecting something on Egypt or a post about the US bill that tries to redefine rape (did you know that there’s a thing called "forcible rape" ? Because in my naivety I thought EVERY rape is about forcing someone into sex. Silly me!) in an attempt to prevent abortions being funded by taxpayer money, because free abortions would obviously trigger what is now known as “The 2012 New World Order Zombie Apocalypse”. True story.

But I'm not gonna write about none of that (double negatives rock!) because I’m in a bad mood and just not up to it. So instead I thought I could vent about my week. I hope you don’t mind. Oh…you do? That’s too bad cos here it comes:

So first I drop my phone into my glass of wine. How did that happen, you ask ? Well, I pick up my phone and then IT’S IN MY DAMN GLASS. Gone. Dead. Killed by wine. Which btw, it’s how I wanna go too.

Then there was this creepy ass jerk in the bus. He most likely recognized me from YouTube. Because he kept staring at me for the entire freaking ride, which was around 15 minutes. No, he wasn’t checking me out. And he wasn’t looking at me in that “Hm, I think I know her from somewhere” type of way. Oh no! He was looking at me like I was dog shit on his shoe. The kind of look you'd have if someone offered you to smell a fish that died two weeks ago. Creepiness!

And then I walked into my kitchen wall. And hurt my shoulder. Quite bad. It’s still aching. If you have a reasonable explanation for how someone can walk into their own damn wall, please enlighten me. Because since I’m not blind, I can only assume that around here shit be moving! Oh, did I mention that I also apologized to the wall ?

And then there was the bug. Though “bug” is a gross understatement. A big ass fucking roach (possibly bigger than your penis) was chilling on my floor, all casual like it’s nobody’s business. It wold be way to embarrassing to tell how this worked out, but it involved a neighbor and everyone survived (besides my dignity).

And then I put salt in my coffee instead of sugar. And obviously I didn’t realize it UNTIL I took a nice good sip. If you never tried it, you should drop your curiosity and consider yourself lucky because that's just nasty!

I seriously don’t know what’s wrong with me. One of these days you should expect to hear that I died by drowning in my bowl of soup.

56 comments:

Francis Hunt said...

It's February, Cristina. This kind of shit always happens in February ... !

Anonymous said...

Oh, well. So your not the perfect little princess that I thought you were. You feel pain, you taste brine coffee, and you encounter wierdos. Welcome to the world of us mortals.

Ka said...

You should not be swimming in soup. It's winter, go skiing in the freezer.

greg said...

My theory is the guy on the bus was a warlock and put a curse on you. I imagine lots of witches and warlocks in Romania.

Either that or you are drinking waaaay too much wine.

I don't suppose it could be coincidence, because we all know that God has a plan..... oh, Geeez!

Anonymous said...

You apologized to the wall. You must be British at least in part lol.

Colonel Colonel said...

Here's a way to reverse all the bad stuff- next time a weirdo creeps you out on the bus invite him to a coffee shop, and put salt in his coffee. He'll spring to his feet, choking and coughing and probably bash into the wall; while he's standing there stunned, slip a giant cockroach down his shorts.

Or, better yet, sit down, close your eyes, breathe deeply, and just imagine doing all those things. You'll feel better in no time.

Rainer said...

I tend to apologize to things I run into, too. I like to tell myself afterwards that I was joking, but I guess it's just a reflex. LOL

As for the reason of walking into your wall:
I think you've gone the path so many times without problems that some part of you just thinks 'Oh well, that could work better. I could save another microsecond if I reduce the tolerance just a little bit more.' And then, when you're really in a hurry or just tired and lazy, you try it and you want to save too much time by cutting too much of the tolerance and just run into things.
Hope that helped. ;-)
Wish you a more enjoyable next week.

D. said...

Why do you assume that your readers are male? Surely there are at least as many (if not more) intelligent females who enjoy your body of work (written, video etc.) as males ;-)

Camden said...

Oh you'll be fine darling. We all have bad weeks, and your innate awesome will make up for it.

Anonymous said...

You sound like you may have an ear infection.
It makes you feel a little vacant which can make you do daft things and randomly drop things without reason.
It can also suddenly change your balance so you walk into walls and doorframes etc.

Anyhow - a blessing on you and yours in the hope you have a better week.

Anonymous said...

Maybe the guy on the bus was a zombie.

Richard (Cephrad) said...

you sound distracted

Anonymous said...

Recon the wine walked you into the wall?

Stan in NH said...

I had a bad day yesterday, too. It's something in the air, I think. Shake it off. You;'ll be fine in no time. :)
Glad to see you back in the blogosphere.

Andreea said...

Cristina dear, I am totally with you on this stupid week. I suffer along with you (so to speak), and I would add that my week was a bit harder (if you can imagine that): from discussions in contradictory with my boss, to falling on an ice like a wrestler trying to win the fight (guess what, the ice won!), my laptop breaking several times, writing a message and bumping my head (hard!!!) in some stairs (i was under them), finding out my boyfriend is fooling around on matchmaking sites (what a kid!), having an argument that almost lead to breaking up and now, when the storm (and week) is gone I actually feel good to sympathize with you.

Hopefully all's well that ends well and it has nothing to do with the fact that we are blond, we are atheist (I am fighting for the win of reason but internally, within my friends) and probably the god that doesnt exist is a bit bored and tries to play with us.

So, to put it this way: I'm with you sista'!

Ed Konowicz said...

Cris,

Welcome to the struggle for truth. There is consciousness all over the place, and we piss it off because most of it is so god-planned stupid and mean. Just kind of collect yourself and breathe the fine understanding that we are up against really stupid gods at times. Poise is about the grace of knowing that the established fugged up order is in the air like almost ghosts. You probably are too materialistic in your cosmology or underlying metaphysics. Every moment to some extent we battle for truth. Take heart, you are great and loved. You are just getting some data about how hard the struggle is.

Ed K

Billy said...

There is Nothing wrong with You Cristina and I hate to hear that You really had a crappy week Gorgeous. I do hope All is going better now including Your shoulder.

Agreed checking-out with a glass of wine would be a nice way to go for me as well.

Do becareful Gorgeous when out in public there are a bunch of nuts out there just like the one on the bus. I certainly do not want anything happening to You Babe.

Do have a Good Evening and Enjoy Yourself.

Anonymous said...

Ce sa poci ca sa mai zic...las-o mai usurel cu vinul.It would explain most of your problems!Cu exceptia gretzosului din aftobus,care nu mai necesita explicatie ca asa e de la natura.

Horrible....auzi,dar probleme-probleme,n-ai?
Gen...rate de platit la banca,facturi,probleme de santatate,cu familia,cu dracu sa ma manca,etc.
Ca daca n-ai iti dau eu ca am,vorba aia,cacalau! :)

Z04RD said...

There are those days...
Just, let it go. It'll be better in no time.

"It's just one of those days
When ya don't wanna wake up
Everything is fucked, everybody sucks.
You don't really know why
But you wanna justify..."

BTW the wall...
LOL
Like me on a Sunday morning. :D

Ádám said...

Thank you, Chris. From now on I won't be able to disassociate roaches and my penis, thank you very much.

Anonymous said...

Shit happens babe, don't feel bad about it, you are a beautiful intelligent woman, never underestimate yourself.

Anonymous said...

That's it?! Boo fuckin hoo. I can't imagine what you're like when something actual bad happen to you. AND a creepy looking guy looked at you like you were dog shit? Score one for the universe! Imagine, some guy actually stared at a beautiful woman just like 99% of the beautiful women in the world stare at or treat guys they don't want to fuck - like pieces of shit. Not so great when roles are reversed, is it?

BeeKriggs75 said...

Ooooo child doont frit ya prety head bout da wall n da wine. Evey ting goona be irie. Ok so my old cajun lady accent needs work...

Question: did you apologize to the wall in English, Spanish or Romanian?

Peter said...

Well, statistically we all have a bad day, sometimes a bad week and some people even have a bad year (remember when Queen Elizabeth had her Annus horribilis [horrible year]?).

Those same statistical anomalies will bring some great times ahead for you, Kris.

We atheists know we have to take the good with the bad, because the Universe is just random. Still, it's normal to feel bad about the bad stuff and it's normal to vent about it. Feel free to vent whenever you wish. It's good for you.

I don't "hope" things will get better for you because I KNOW things will get better for you, statistically speaking.

Stay true to yourself,

Peter

iconografer said...

think of it this way:
the likelihood of it all happening again next week is astronomically small.

Ryan said...

I wish I was lucky enough to see you on the bus... I would immediately go over and introduce myself, though. I only stare at (and creep out) beautiful women whom I don't know or whom I already know don't like me. In your case I would have to go over and say something, and just hope that you wouldn't be rude to me and thus ruin my whole day...

Sorry about your phone and everything else. and I'm quite sure my penis is larger than any other living creature in your home aside from your cat.

Anonymous said...

'shit be movin', 'shit be nasty'....where did you learn to talk like a ghetto person?? wow.

Anonymous said...

"Anonymous said...

'shit be movin', 'shit be nasty'....where did you learn to talk like a ghetto person?? wow.
"

I was thinking the same thing. this girl has problems and watches too many YouTube videos.

she has a hard-on for the US and she thinks this is how we all talk.

I would try to live through others also if I lived in the 3rd world. or not

Gurauko said...

Ok, I'l explain to you... All that shit that just happened to you, it's part of... of... hmmm... ok I don't really have something clever to say about... Shit happens, 2012 its comming (hail solar storm). I just had a really boring sunday, at least you got some action =p

moonbook said...

If you look at her background you might see things :D. I saw a deer. (Off topic but...) Follow me? Btw was is a Monday? Mondays...

Anonymous said...

I apologized to a door that broke my nose once....so no worries Criss

Ed Konowicz said...

Cristina,

You are already at the point where you realize the human race is really out of it and can barely use reason. So many people are so full of it, even "experts," that you begin to question what is reality because it is messed up, too. Then you are up against what no human has really comprehended - the nature of our existence. You feel the importance of truth and love, yet it is so frustrated. You want to scream and curse to make it sane, but you feel almost helpless. Then you got to dig deep because it is about your own inner strength. You have to be proud about your own reason and love because most people just talk, they can't really hold some truth and love for long. You get frustrated because you begin to realize that people hear you but they really can't understand how serious it is -- because you understand how much suffering is caused by the lack of reason. You have that reason and you think everyone or at least some should. They just go on with their lives.

You have to have faith in yourself no matter how hopeless life seems. It is that center inside of yourself that is so fragile, yet so precious. Don't let anyone get to it and weaken it. Because people are going to try. You are going to need to spend some time each day with yourself, listening, reading, thinking, and moving on knowing that most will never understand. But that you understand is what is important. You don't need others to validate yourself. You need the faith to let your life move on despite all the crap thrown at you.

What really helps me, is to just to appreciate this presence of reason. Others devalue it. You don't need to demonstrate it as much as hold it.

As a kid, I couldn't understand why so few adults had reason. Now, I learn to accept it. I can watch the light turn on, and then off in people close to me. This reason is not a curse, but a gift but it does separate those who sustain it from the rest. Remember, most people just live and use reason as a tool to get what they want. You use reason for justice which sets you apart.

Ed K

Thomas said...

ZomGit be criss yall

Jack said...

you asked what is wrong with you and then proceed to answer your own question.

uh, ok.

MrLiambi said...

Bigger than my penis??????? Whoaaaaaaa, that is a tall and huge bug, you had there criss

kevin blumer said...

i think we all have them bad bad days droping you phone in your wine yer ive done that it kinda just wrecks your phone a little bit dam

Chris said...

Thanks for making me laugh this AM
from one beautiful intelligent atheist female to another.. =D been enjoying you on YouTube for a while now.. hubby and I love your POV and sense of humor.. keep it coming!!

TheAzov said...

The phone was obviously dropped in white wine. Red nutrients would have recharged the battery.

Andrew said...

what wine was it? Funny , that made me laugh, thanks :)
from "Global Citizen" Ignostu

Anonymous said...

Just wanted to thank you for being the voice of reason. Love your attitude!

Anonymous said...

It was probably a Romanian vampire cockroach. All you had to do was throw some garlic at it or sprinkle some Holy Water on it, and it would have shrieked, withdrawn into its cape and scurried off to its little castle in the woods. (I'm assuming you have holy water in your kitchen - you're a blasphemous heathen so I'm guessing you cook with it)

Anonymous said...

Criss my beautiful thinker. Can't stop thinking to avoid the wall.

Alan said...

Ms. Criss, about hitting a wall, relax, you simply had a fault in your mental "intersection algorithm." Happens all the time, worse as you get older (speaking from 55 years of experience, sigh). Keep up the good work!

Anonymous said...

tisk tisk censoring comments, thanks for proving me right though. i hope it didn't get to far under your skin. if all else fails you have plenty of half-wits ready to boost your ego, which is apparently very, very fragile.

sad really, i actually gave you more credit than i should have, i was sort of expecting a witty response.

maybe i'm not being fair though, i suggest that you avoid inmendhams (piss poor tool who lives with cats) "debate" and stop talking about your lezbo experience, its seriously fucking degrading to yourself and anyone that is paying attention to you with a functioning frontal lobe.

in all seriousness you really had an opportunity to be a smart, attractive girl with a "controversial" opinion. sadly you get lumped with the likes of the chubby ashley green or whatever her name is.

you might as well make a porn, at least you will make a lot of money off of it, its not like you have some sort of integrity to uphold anyways.

Carlos said...

i Love your blog!
I'm from Colombia. some one from really far away is loling because his wife have the same problem whit roaches. don't you love globalization?

Jarrett Terrill said...

This is the kind of stuff u give ur facebook friends to munch on... I want to hear more about the stupid American Republicans... Lemme give you a jumping off point: Florida's Rick Scott... Ok, go!
(Hey, that could tie into the creepy guy on the bus fer sure... It HAD TO BE him!)
Oh, by the way... I'm bigger than a roach, but that's what brings the boys to the yard... Not silly blonde girls who walk into walls. ;)

1471phillip said...

Hahaha, oKay well, your writing is fine it just needs a little polish. It was sort of dull but at the same time reading it while imagining you saying it with your accent made it a bit entertaining. But you did have your moments of zomgits wordplay which was like, "oh ha ha ha, that's so her" which was nice. So basically as for writing, you just need more practice and the blog/journal will help you out with that. As for why your stumbling into common household things, I think it's probably due to either stress or simply you were just at the moment a little sidetracked concentrating and just lost your awareness for the placement of a wall and out of habit instinctually apologized. I remember years ago when I woke up early for high school that I put hair gel on my toothbrush so I sympathize. Despite what the commercials say, going out by wine isn't dignified. and I don't think the roach was bigger than my penis. I'm only mentioning it because you mentioned it.

reddragonready said...

Damn! I see the bloke from the bus , anonymously, found your blog.;)

Anyway, thanks for the very entertaining read.

71397fb0-37d4-11e0-9751-000bcdcb8a73 said...

Creepy guy on the bus: Don't ride the bus.

Hitting a wall: Don't walk into walls.

Bigass roach: Bug spray

Salt in coffee: Don't put salt in your coffee

This has been another episode of Kiran's helpful advice. If more advice is needed please ask. That is all.

Tariq445 said...

i almost feel asleep reading this.... older you look, younger you sound. step ya game up, this was so lame and vain . you ain all that anymore, kriss.

Anonymous said...

Do you have any plans to go on tour ?

Peter (strumstickjoe) said...

I think you're woes are explained by you at the beginning of your blog. It's the wine Baby - that's what caused it all! Love your vids - and mostly agree ('bout ninety-something percent!) Keep 'em comin!

BrynGamez said...

It's bigger than my penis??? Holy crap that thing can eat a giraffe!

Awww I'm very sorry to hear about your week T~T (and... you're not the only one that walked *well actually ran* into a wall). *Adds that wall to my hit list*
I gotta say, truthfully, if I saw you on a bus, I'd probably stare too! Both because I'd check you out because you're GORGEOUS and because I think your videos are absolute genius! (I might even take a few pictures here and there, cough cough).

I hope you feel better though T~T

9f969362-3b34-11e0-ba15-000bcdcb8a73 said...

I'm sorry for staring at you on the bus! Your beauty is intimidating! lol but seriously, I'm an admirer from far away. I stumbled across you on twitter and have been hooked ever since. Your writings are utterly unique and your intelligence is so sexy. Take care of that shoulder. Oh and Good call on the bug. By the way, you said "..everyone survived.." does that include the bug? As for me I catch them in a jar and relocate them outside...

Anonymous said...

For what it's worth, stop been negatives Cristina, talking from personal experience these things happen, you are not alone. First steps, take control of what you put in your body, it may be difficult but it worth all your effort!..... Best wishes.

Kenneth Katona said...

So it seems that you were here & removed my post.Why?

Post a Comment