Dec 25, 2010

Ho !

Florin : We’re gonna spend the Christmas at my folks this year.

Me : I think you’ve mistaken the pronoun there.

Florin : Do NOT tell me you don’t wanna come!

Me : Fine. I won’t tell you. Just don’t expect me there.

Florin : Are you serious ? What do you wanna do, stay at home alone ? Christmas is a time to spend with family!

Me : Yeah sure… YOUR family.

Florin : Criss, we are married. My family is your family.

Me : That’s like saying that just because we're married, my money is your money. I mean, maybe, in theory, if it’s a really lousy theory. But in reality ? You wish!

Florin : Uhm… you. have. no. money.

Me : Whatever bitch, point is that if I did have money it would all be mine!

Florin : You’re gonna make me say bad things you know.

Me : About my mamma ?

Florin …the fuck ??!!

Me : Cos that’s what I was just thinking, that you’re gonna end up making me say bad things about your mamma. See how much we think alike ?

Florin : You're talking like you’re in one of your videos. It’s really annoying and not funny at all.

Me : Your face is annoying and not funny at all.

Florin : So are you coming ?

Me : Yo’ mamma is so fat she …she… really needs to lose some weight ?

Florin : Look, it’s just this one night, it will be over before you know it. And if you behave, I bet Santa will have a little surprise for you.

Me : Stop talking to me like I'm a child!

Florin : There will even be cookies.

Me : Hmmm… am I allowed to ask your mom who will win in an epic battle between Santa and Baby Jesus ?

Florin : Please be serious.

Me : I mean, they both must be sick and tired of sharing the spotlight on Christmas. And I know it’s tempting to say Baby Jesus because he’s, like, God and all that bullshit … but he is just an infant and Santa looks quite fit for his age.

Florin : Ok, fine, don’t come! Just out of curiosity, if the house burns down while I’m gone and you die in the fire, how long do you think before it is socially acceptable for me to start dating again ?

Me : Marry Christmas baby!

Florin : I love you! (Ok, he didn’t really say “I love you” but I could tell that's what he meant from the loving way he slammed the door on his way out)


Happy Festivus y'all ! And btw ... Santa or Baby Jesus, who wins and why ?

UPDATE : Reading the comments I can see that some people think both me and Florin were actually 100% serious throughout our conversation. All I can say is ... oh boy :)

49 comments:

steve vegas said...

Robot Santa would definitely win, but I think Jesus would win in a battle between Baby Jesus and regular Santa. Well, I don't know. Tim Allen Santa would probably kick his ass, but like you said there's that whole deity thing. Final vote: Santa K.O.'s Baby Jesus

Anonymous said...

Criss, the both of you are supposed to have the same way of thinking since you're married ? :D

and for me, i think santa wins, cause jesus is fake'nd shit! :D

still happy holydays and a freaking awsome religious free 2011 :D

SamKam said...

Excellent dialogues dare.
Oh, but you know dat.;)

Rune E. Kolvik said...

I would say us sceptics win on walkover, because there is no evidence that either would even show up to the fight. :p

Jeff said...

I'll chalk this one up to Santa, Santa makes Christmas a secular holiday. I mean honestly, how many kids REALLY give a shit about the birth of Jesus? Jesus never got anyone an Xbox.

Also, Santa is a lot bigger than baby Jesus, all he'd have to do is shake baby Jesus and it's game over.

Knud Riishøjgård said...

Today Santa is feeling old and tired, while Baby Jesus is fresh and young. BJ FTW!

Capitão Ateu said...

When u and r husband split up remember I always love u. =P

Joshua said...

Jesus would win. He's had way more people killed in his name then Santa, and even if Santa could kill Jesus he'd just come back again. Poor Santa, it was no contest. Merry winter solstice.

Anonymous said...

You have balls. I fucking envy you. :3

John Matthew Walker said...

I think that whoever won the epic battle (more than likely that food addict, Santa)Reason would be waiting in the parking lot with a baseball bat, for round 2. Happy festivus, Xtina. Glad you're out there!

yus said...

the common attitude of any romanian woman. :-P

Mike Yocom said...

If Santa really is a continuation of Odin like some say, he'd win. Adult god with millennia of experience in fighting vs. some upstart whelp of a deity.

Anonymous said...

Lets go with Santa FTW.
And tell your husband this for me, "If you don't take proper care of your young pretty wife, there will always be someone else who will." ;o)

ツ Ðavid Ǿsorio said...

What??? You're married?? Who'd say...

Mohammad said...

You need to split up with that Christian kaffar and become my 6th wife instead - you will be foremost among my slaves!

darkknight9 said...

Wow. So you don't compromise on family gatherings huh? Does he have the same permission to ignore any social functions you'd like him to go with you to simply due to force of belief?

darylm70 said...

It looks like someone doesn't know how to take turns.

Santa wins, because I want presents -- expensive ones that I can sell on Ebay.

Thomas said...

what an ignorant little girl....and why do you try to talk like a black american? too retarded. get ya shit together.

Marco K. said...

You should burn down the house and come to Germany, you can stay at my place. I've got cookies too btw. :)

Santa would win, he scared the **** out of me when I was little.

Peter said...

I think half a woman's earnings automatically become the property of her husband. And half of a man's earnings automatically become the property of his wife. (Or, the reverse, wife and husband, if the couple is gay or lesbian.)

Am I wrong?

It doesn't have to be that way. A marriage is the property of the two people involved and they can do anything they want with it . . .

but that's the default arrangement.

Anonymous said...

You've never seen super mega death christ. My money is on him. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=falpPbONExc

Harriot said...

Santa wins, because he is a employee of Coca-Cola Company, big sponsor.

Fenrir said...

Santa wins. He has a bunch of reindeers to back him up.

What a sweet conversation that was. You're married? You look very young for that.

Anonymous said...

Sounds like this marriage will end quite shortly.

Anonymous said...

Who's Florin? A Russian guy? Nonsense, there could be no such fight. Santa is a pedo; he would never fight a baby. Baby Jesus would not fight either. If anyone slaps his right cheek, he turns to them the other one.

Francis Hunt said...

Chuck Norris and Kenny Loggins knock Baby Jesus and Santa out - every time! I read it here so I know it must be true!

Good post Catrina, I really enjoy your blog :-)

Anonymous said...

Why don't you like your man's folks? Does his mother hate you? Is it because you're a smelly atheist witch who corrupted her nice innocent boy with your godless heathen whoredom? OK now I get it.

Anonymous said...

Santa won because baby jesus got sids, turns out it wasn't all that epic.

Anonymous said...

Wow, self centered, self-righteous, and selfish. It must be a dream being married to you. You think when your looks fade, your husband's going to put up with your shit? Sounds like he's close to giving up. It also sounds like I'm being mean. But I'm really not trying to be. Isn't it a little thing just to bite your lip and deal with the family on major holidays? Isn't marriage or any kind of relationship a give and take with one partner sometimes making compromises for the sake of the other? You don't mention if the inlaws are terrible, or if your husband never attends anything for you, or refuses to attend things with your family. If he's not the same way, your actions are rather mean And if he is the same way, should you really be married? And do you think if you were fat, old , and ugly, people including your husband, would put up with you? I'm not saying you're wrong, But we all have relatives we can't stand and we all make sacrifices sometimes for the people we love. It's really disappointing to find out that you're just another one of those "hot chicks" who thinks that people put up with their shit due to the power of their intellect and their determination, other than their exceptional looks.

Anonymous said...

You have one life. Live it how you want it. Fuck the rest (and, specifically, to those being a-holes here).

Andrei said...

Silly woman! You should bend over to your husband's will like you're supposed to! xP

And I think baby Jesus can turn santa into wine or some shit...

samyoul said...

I presume you wrote and posted this blog post in reaction to your fall out with your husband. I enjoy you videos and agree with the things you say and have followed you for a little while.

I don't know you and I don't know the relationship that you have with your husband or anything that would put me in a position to give you any kind of advice. But the one thing I'll tell you is that I cringed when I read your dialogue, it made me feel uncomfortable. Relationships like marriage are strong but only stay strong with work, I hope you can reconcile with your husband.

Like I said I don't know anything about how you and your husband get along normally, but I really feel it would be the greatest shame if this was a milestone on the route to a break up.

But what ever the case is, I hope you will end up the happiest you can be and get there by the least painful path possible.

TheDamnIrish said...

I guess Jesus would win, because every time Santa kills him, he would just keep coming back three days later.

Anonymous said...

ok people, she probably wrote this as a joke so stop with the marriage counseling via blog response.

Everyone knows Santa would win anyways, he gave jesus shaken baby syndrome......he died in a manger and was found later, unfortunately he has never been found and is presumed to have been eaten by locals since they were in the desert and meat is pretty rare in those parts.

Plus when I was little Santa at least gave me shit, therefore I have been bribed to believe in Santa. I am still awaiting Jesus' bribe.

Anonymous said...

You are intelligent and very funny (easy on the eyes as well). Keep it up, every ray of light into ignorance is a step in the right direction.

k-fan said...

What? You are married? I wanted to marry you! I was already saving for an engagement ring. Now I'll spend the money for booze...

Angel said...

K-rina, funnily enough, my husband and I get the "shut the fuck up already, you two-year olds!" eye-roll from my mother when she hears us 'fight.' She doesn't get it, either. That's just the way we are. Sarcastic. But honest.

It's like with the life insurance. We both have policies on one another. We threaten to kill eachother often. (My favorite one is castrating him with a grapefruit knife and letting him bleed to death on the floor.) At least three times a week. Because we both acknowledge that we're both worth more $$$ dead than alive, which is just damn pathetic. But we don't kill eachother because of the love we share. The money means nothing but our love beats all.

Sorry so many of your fans took your posted argument seriously. -- even if you were(maybe) half serious about the 'your momma' jokes. lol

Hubby to me: "You're so skinny the winter wind cuts right through you. You don't need a coat- you need skin!"

Me to hubby: "You're so fat all they'd need to do is make a buoy out of your fat ass and stick you out in the Gulf of Mexico. Voila! Instant hurricane deflection!"

*shrug* And nobody's feelings get hurt. Because we like it like that.

I think our generation is just more blunt and painfully honest.

Anonymous said...

In a relation ship the one with the pussy wins only if it is given freely.

ellenjanuary said...

Come on, now. Baby Jesus got the three wise men backing his play. Wiseguys. Do I have to spell it out? Vatican is where? What's Santa got? Rudolph?

If you ever get lonely, just think - you have ten times ans many subscribers as I have had views. Man, that sux... I mean, like; for you. :)

Happy New Year.

Flesh N Faith said...

You were avoiding the issue in that dialogue which is odd coming from someone who likes to discuss at the heart of affairs..why, in your attempt to evade the real issue, were you flippant with your spouse? in order to decline his invitation, you had to ridicule him. why so bitter? holiday cheer too much to handle? it's not about the delusions which give rise to the holiday..it's just a day to do something different and hopefully fun and meaningful..i'm an full blown Adeist, let alone atheist, and i adore christmas..And, i'm even depressed around the holidays(maybe like you?) but i don't spread my toxic little mood to others..lol..i wither away and cry myself to sleep like the little lost soul i am.

Anonymous said...

lmao the ideal relationship I want to share with my future loved one.

adaywillcome said...

I feel pretty sad after reading this exchange.

Antidamen said...

Hi! I recently discovered you, and I just wanted to say that you totally rock and that I love you I love you I love you :):)

Leviatan said...

Nice seeing you. Glad that not all blondes are as the legend says.

Badjoke said...

Hey dude, am revenit cu blogul! Aparent nu are moarte, click my nickname.

Asehpe said...

Heh heh heh! I'll bet Santa Claws wins over Baby Jeebus. That would be one big movie, wouldn't it? Too bad South Park has already thought of it.

Happy everything, by the way. Stay yourself. :-)

John said...

I just love you. You are so funny. I don't know who writes your stuff, you or someone else, but it is very intelligent and I really enjoy it. You look fantastic, your accent and your voice are so sexy, and Happy Birthday! I tried to wish it on youtube, but it was too much of a hassle to sign up. Best of luck to you and don't change. The conversation above really did make me LOL. I'd love to be married to you and wouldn't care what you said just because i love your voice and accent!

Anonymous said...

I don't really care how you and your hubby talk to each other, but I will say this....I didn't read anything in your argument that would indicate that you were just joking around.....maybe you just had to be there...but idk how you would expect readers to know it was playful...it didn't sound playful at all

Anonymous said...

Hahaha, nnobody really understands this I gueass, except the two of you ( : I think thats really sweet. ( :

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