Florin : We’re gonna spend the Christmas at my folks this year.
Me : I think you’ve mistaken the pronoun there.
Florin : Do NOT tell me you don’t wanna come!
Me : Fine. I won’t tell you. Just don’t expect me there.
Florin : Are you serious ? What do you wanna do, stay at home alone ? Christmas is a time to spend with family!
Me : Yeah sure… YOUR family.
Florin : Criss, we are married. My family is your family.
Me : That’s like saying that just because we're married, my money is your money. I mean, maybe, in theory, if it’s a really lousy theory. But in reality ? You wish!
Florin : Uhm… you. have. no. money.
Me : Whatever bitch, point is that if I did have money it would all be mine!
Florin : You’re gonna make me say bad things you know.
Me : About my mamma ?
Florin …the fuck ??!!
Me : Cos that’s what I was just thinking, that you’re gonna end up making me say bad things about your mamma. See how much we think alike ?
Florin : You're talking like you’re in one of your videos. It’s really annoying and not funny at all.
Me : Your face is annoying and not funny at all.
Florin : So are you coming ?
Me : Yo’ mamma is so fat she …she… really needs to lose some weight ?
Florin : Look, it’s just this one night, it will be over before you know it. And if you behave, I bet Santa will have a little surprise for you.
Me : Stop talking to me like I'm a child!
Florin : There will even be cookies.
Me : Hmmm… am I allowed to ask your mom who will win in an epic battle between Santa and Baby Jesus ?
Florin : Please be serious.
Me : I mean, they both must be sick and tired of sharing the spotlight on Christmas. And I know it’s tempting to say Baby Jesus because he’s, like, God and all that bullshit … but he is just an infant and Santa looks quite fit for his age.
Florin : Ok, fine, don’t come! Just out of curiosity, if the house burns down while I’m gone and you die in the fire, how long do you think before it is socially acceptable for me to start dating again ?
Me : Marry Christmas baby!
Florin : I love you! (Ok, he didn’t really say “I love you” but I could tell that's what he meant from the loving way he slammed the door on his way out)
Happy Festivus y'all ! And btw ... Santa or Baby Jesus, who wins and why ?
UPDATE : Reading the comments I can see that some people think both me and Florin were actually 100% serious throughout our conversation. All I can say is ... oh boy :)