Nov 1, 2010

What you don't wanna hear during sex

I love Twitter. It's like the most efficient way to spread vital information from which everybody can benefit. Information like this : 

But some people just don't seem to get it. It's like they don't want to be informed. And as if it wasn't bad enough that they are willingly, like, choosing to be ignorant, they also seem to actively hate on us, the normal ones.  
I'm gonna call this particular group of people "twignorants". Which should totally be a word from now on.

And one of the prime examples of twignorants is dprjones. BEHOLD! :

I know, right ?? It's all sorts of depressing to witness something like this. Kinda like watching Titanic, only without the sex.

And speaking of sex, in a last attempt to educate these people about the importance of Twitter, this is from earlier today :

Well, if you weren't a twignorant, you would have known what people don't wanna hear during sex, like, HOURS ago. Stuff like this :

  • "Yeah, I've been meaning to see a doctor about that..."
  • "Is it in yet ?"
  • "Excuse me sir, my name is Chris Hansen"
  • "Your father used to like the same thing!"
  • "What do you mean, IN? I'm finished!"
  • My granmum asking, "Where's the sugar, again?"
  • My partner yelling out their own name
  • "I don't think its contagious"
  • "You really need to paint your ceiling"
  • "Oh, now I remember why I became a lesbian..."
  • "John! Oh JOHN! Oh JOHNNNNNNNNNNNN!" (My name is Phillip)
  • "Wow, it's like a penis, but smaller!"
  • "You remind me of my uncle!"
  • "Sex never felt that good when I was a man"
  • “Can you put your socks back on please?”
  • "I am actually sixteen..."
  • "Do you mind if I turn on the TV?"
  • "You're the best. This evening"
  • Snoring
  • A sheep's "bahhh"
  • "Heil Hitler!"
  • "Luke. I am your father." 

See ? This is the reason why Twitter is awesome and dprjones totally fails. 


SamKam said...

How vital knowledge spread before the advent of Twitter is a mystery. Most probably goddidit.

Drasky Vanderhoff said...

“Can you put your socks back on please?”

O_O , ehm... i like to it with clothes...

"Oh, now I remember why I became a lesbian..."

This is the main reason for teenage suicide :P

Anonymous said...

That was quite funny.

1Asbak1 said...

Criss, you rock, :D

I agree with your new 'word' twignorants suck big time

planning to draw you in soft pastel. you'll get a link to it when i'am actually done. not that you're going to take a look at it, since you're living like a rockstar whith all the fans and drugs, and such. :]

Q-Dragon1337 said...

hey you didn't use mine

@ZOMGitsCriss my worst fear "Um... i thought the meme was you had big balls..."

k-rina said...

Yeah QD, but that only applies to you cos nobody else has balls that big so they can't identify with that :P

Anonymous said...

It is said that if you get 145 million monkeys and give them each typewriters they will eventually, given enough time, randomly crunch out the complete works of Shakespeare.

This is bull; the monkeys would go ape-shit in no time, hence the pointlessness of Twitter.

Naomi Chambers said...

This is actually pretty funny.

str said...

That was hilarious! One of the reasons I love Twitter. Although, there are some bad stuff on there too.

jeff said...

"That will be $100."

Dark Blue said...

I've often wondered if I should get on the Twitter bandwagon, and thanks to you, I'm still wondering...


Anonymous said...

Twitter is not available in my survivalist compound. Besides, the gubmint will just hone in on the signal and send Blackhawks to take us out. This post will stay anonymous for for that reason. :D

gravityboy said...

What an amazing brain you have... I like it.

Anonymous said...

I don't see listed the number one thing men, at least, don't want to hear during sex: "Oh my God! Mu husband's home!" :(

dave said...

i dont twitter. seems pointless. i dont need to know anything as it happens. unless it is happening to me, and then i dont need twitter to tell me about it.

as far as the survey goes...
is my entry.

Anonymous said...

I watched your video on objective morals and... we should smoke that joint together ("totally, dude"). Now, the question begs, do you love Sophia or Eros more?

Linus said...

I which I have the presence of mind to say "Oh shit you're a girl!" with the next woman I have sex with. Or "OK, you might feel a slight sting in a second". Or "it's amazing, you look just like my mother". Or…

Asehpe said...


Criss, compliments from all over the world. Goddamnit, you've earned them. How do you come up with this stuff? :-)

Joseph Ignaceous said...

I just opened up an account and love it. I'm still figuring it out so I guess I'm a twignorant. I'm not by choice though, because for the past fifteen minutes I've been trying to figure out your point about dprjones, who seems to claim that your comment about your thumb is trivial. Someone please school me.

Anonymous said...

You might care to check out the web comic "The Devil's Panties" (despite it not being satanic porn). Sundays she usually does a random piece of usually full-color art, Monday through Friday are a standard gag-a-day black-and-white slice-of-life comic... but Saturdays are usually "What Not To Say In the Bedroom" (or the occasional convention plug).

Joseph Ignaceous said...

Thanks! Will do. I hate falling behind.

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