Oct 31, 2010

It's all about getting scared and eating candy!

Ohi!
So I made a commitment to myself to write here at least once a week from now on, which is unfortunate for both of us : for me because I rarely get inspired, and for you because … well … I’ll show up in your blog subscriptions or e-mail and then you’ll feel compelled to click on my post just because you ARE already subscribed, and ignoring me would be rude, plus I know you're afraid of gypsy spells (which I totally need to learn how to do asap if I wanna have any viewers).
The honest truth is that I do like to write, and the even more honest truth is that I can’t write for shit. Seriously. Like, I need AntiBullshitMan to tell me where to properly put commas. I'm not even making this up. Go me!

And if this wasn't enough, yesterday I opened a movie reviews blog, just in case you feel masochistic enough to subscribe to that too : RadCinema

But the main point of this post is to wish everyone a Happy Halloween! Generally I'm not a fan of holidays, but if I were to celebrate only one of them, this would be it. Because I love all things scary. And also because I love candy. I can't really tell why, but Halloween seems like the best excuse ever to stuff your face with candy. Too bad for me (and for the candy shop owners) that we don’t really celebrate Halloween here. We don't have a “trick or treat” tradition, we are apparently incapable of making good use of pumpkins, and we don’t even get to dress like sluts and then put some bunny ears on our heads and call that a costume. It sucks.

On a happier note (I guess?), someone did scare me today, even though it was unintentional. My neighbor sometimes gets herself locked out because her door locks itself automatically, which may be great for security reasons, but it’s also not-great because of “my neighbor is a dumbass and always forgets her key inside the house” reasons. That, or she has Alzheimer. Which I really doubt, because she is only 23 and also because she never forgets to tell me at the end of the month that I have to pay my share for the mail service. Which is fucking annoying because I never get any mail, like EVER! Except for once or twice a month when I find an envelope in my mail box and I get super excited and I'm all “Oooh! A LETTER!”, but then it’s just bills. Fuck my life!

Anyway, I am the one who suffers the consequences every time my neighbor gets herself locked out because she gave me a spare key to her house for this purpose alone, probably knowing that she’s an idiot. So she starts ringing on my door, obviously waking me up since it was only 1 PM y'all ! And I go to open the door, not knowing that she finally brought home her doggy that she always talks about but for some reason she never cared to tell me that this “doggy” is THE SIZE OF A WELL FED PONY and that he starts barking uncontrollably every time an unsuspecting victim who just got out of bed opens the door for his idiot owner who always forgets her key.

What happened after that is a bit fuzzy, because when that OVERSIZED THING started barking I kinda went into a “shock mode" and I vaguely remember that I screamed and that people were looking at me funny and that my neighbor was like “OMG I can’t believe you are afraid of a dog” and I was like “well at least I’m not dumb enough to constantly lock myself out of my own house even though I totally don't have Alzheimer as an excuse, so I win!”, but I think I only said that in my mind, which is a good thing because that dog is fucking scary.

And since it’s Halloween and I just got scared shitless, I went and bought myself a tone of candy because, after all, that's tradition. Or something.



P.S. : Happy birthday Jerry ! I know you wanted me to make a scary video but since I couldn't, I can only hope my usage of commas is scary enough.

13 comments:

Ari Pakarinen said...

Brilliant...super, I love Your way to write!
I try to find You on Facebook, Twitter I find it yesterday...so I am quite new in this!

Happy to meet, super happy to read ;)
Come to visit www.noitavonni.net

Have easy and relaxing Sunday
Ari

greg said...

Boo!

Ryan said...

I like how you use the term "y'all" like a good and true American southerner, like myself!

Anonymous said...

hahaha this was awesome !

Xerxes said...

do you live in Romania?

AntiBullshitMan said...

I abuse commas myself at times, so, be, sure, to, get, a, 2nd, opinion, before, taking, my, word, as, gospel.

Oh, and woof.

Anonymous said...

Hi Cris,
First i would like to say BOO!And Happy Halloween!Second,it is funny whenever i read your blogs,i can't help but read with a Romanian accent.And finally,if you give me your address I PROMISE i will write a letter for you to receive in the mail EVERY WEEK!You can email it to me at mminc2010@gmail.com :-)~ Martin

Vukașin said...

:))))))
UBER tare... dacă aș avea așa o vecină aș bate-o de 3x pe zi!!!! mortal!!


vuk din Timiș

p.s.
stai flex că n-ai nici o problemă cu virgulele, tu numa scrie..

jmyinlb said...

Hay Dare, I like the way you write also. I'm stuck working on my California Teaching Performance Assessment for my birthday, so I am very pleased to have you wish me a Happy Birthday on your blog. Thanks for the laugh,your neighbor should hide a key!
Have a great Halloween!

Anonymous said...

I don't know what is scarier how you would normally place your commas or that you have anti-bullshit man helping you with your comma placement. lol. Joking. Sucks you don't have Halloween.

I plain to dress up as Obama and redistribute the candy. I want to see children terrorize my house when they find out their candy has to go to the kid I deem more worthy. Joking again. Sort of.

Alan Duval said...

You are way too cute.

TheDudeInSF said...

Thanx for making me smile (....<--my version of comma)yet again

Francis Hunt said...

I can relate to your problem with commas; they're inclined to trip me up all the time too. I think it has something to do with the fact that I tend to think in subordinate clauses and then in subordinate clauses of subordinate clauses (with qualifications on top of that)! :-)

Love your blog!

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