Have you ever had one of those mornings when you wake up so depressed you just go “arghhhhh please no, not another day!” ? Yeah, today is one of them. Yesterday I realized I will no longer have a person in my life, someone I care about deeply. Isn’t it strange how attached we get to so many things even if we know …well, at least if we think about it, that at some point it will, with no doubt, end.
And I am talking about ALL the things that we become attached to, whether it’s something you like to do that at some point you won't be able to do it anymore, or if it's a pet that you know it’s gonna die ….or a person, because that’s gonna end too. They will in the worse case die, or just leave you or simply turn out to be different from who you thought they were or who they seemed to be. Either way it will reach an end and you will get hurt. By the time we are 80 (if we ever reach that age) we have been heartbroken and crushed so many times we are just damaged shells of what we used to be and can’t even recognize ourselves in our young times memories.
And yet, we have to bond and care … it’s just nature’s way to keep us going. Our desire to live / will to survive is obviously stronger when we are attached like this. However, I do consciously try to avoid it and most of the times I succeed. It’s very rare that I let someone get close to me … and I never once cared about a person to later stop caring about them. Never happened. And I’m talking about all kinds of relationships, from an ex boyfriend to family, friends, whatever. Even after years went by with no contact and I still care about them and if I allow myself to get swept in the memories, I miss them deeply. And even though I know many people can go from caring about someone to not giving a fuck about them, I know for sure that “endings” are no fun for anyone. Anyway, no matter what happens we do go on … more damaged and fucked up every time but we continue. With few exceptions.
I also hate how distracting those personal dramas are. I feel like … well, not like a have a “mission” but I do see the world for what it is and I feel like I have to do something. Because most people don’t want to see it, they are content with making the best out of each day and never stop to take a look around. We are destroying ourselves, we are destroying the world we live in and everything around us. And if we who can see that don’t try to change it ..who will ? Whenever I see Maryam Namazie speak I get humbled by her will and bravery. I hope someday I will grow enough "balls" to do more than just talk to a camera.
But I don’t think it’s gonna happen today. Today I plan on watching a movie, maybe make a book review if I’m up for it and hopefully we’ll get some clear skies cos I always feel better after stargazing. Btw …thanks M. for putting up with my moodiness ;)
If you had the patience to read all this crap, I'm really sorry ;) Here is a real activist, Maryam Namazie's :